Things I Said While Watching TV Tonight

Watching Matthew McConnaughey in a Lincoln ad:
Mr. Sandwich: Let’s see what Matthew McConnaughey is going to tell us about Lincolns today.
Me: There is something really unnerving about his teeth.

Watching Speechless:
Me: I identify with Jimmy and Dylan. Because I feel like it’s my job to stay calm and also I’m fighty. There’s a lot of conflict between these two parts of me.

Watching something that appears to be an action movie due to urgent driving:
Me: What is this? Is it Live Free and Die Harder in a Really Stupid Way?
Mr. Sandwich: It’s Batman v. Superman.
Me: Same thing.

Still watching Batman v. Superman:
Holly Hunter: The world has been so busy thinking about what Superman can do that we haven’t stopped to ask what he should do.
Me: Oh, I get it. Superman is Jurassic Park.

Still watching Batman v. Superman, even though we meant to go to bed 30 minutes ago:
Perry White: Headline: End of Love Affair with Man in Sky?
Me: Perry, that’s a terrible headline.

But, really, the amazing thing is that we got to watch TV. Do you know how rare it is for Baguette to sleep?

TV and Us

Mr. Sandwich and I have different TV histories.

I grew up in a house where we watched a lot of TV. I remember watching The Lone Ranger not because I was a fan–I actually found it kind of boring–but because it came on between Adventures of Superman and Batman.

My first political memories are of TV: my mother spent hours watching the Watergate hearings.

My first political action was because of TV: I saw something about whaling, and wrote letters to the Soviet premier and the Japanese prime minister. I think I was five. (And I was clearly no Samantha Smith; I received neither a reply nor an invitation to visit either country, and whaling continues. Also, RIP, Samantha Smith.)

I don’t remember when my parents bought our first VCR, but I do remember that first we would rent one. That’s right–people used to rent VCRs like they were videos. You know, back when you went to the store to rent videos. Or maybe you don’t know. Wow, I am old.

Mr. Sandwich grew up without TV.

But that didn’t stop us from connecting over TV when we started dating. One of the things that we bonded over was not just TV. Not just that we watched the same shows. But that we watched them the same way.

Today we love the DVR because one of us can say, “Pause!” and we can talk about what we just saw. (Don’t worry, we won’t do this if you come over.)

We treat TV like it was a movie or a novel. We dissect it, we analyze it, we discuss whether or not particular actions reflect a specific character. We may be couch potatoes at times, but in our house, there’s very little that’s passive, much less lazy, about watching television.

Monday Listicles: 10 Halloween Costumes I Have Known

These days, I have trouble coming up with Halloween costumes. But that wasn’t always the case. Of course, back then I also had a moving box full of “dress-up clothes” that offered inspiration (and parents who were able to fill in my gaps in both inspiration and execution). So what have my Halloween successes been?

1) Batman. Let me say that again: Batman. We went to any number of houses where the person giving out candy would spot my long, red hair and say “Oh, Batgirl!” And I responded, every single time, “I’m not Batgirl. I’m Batman!” (This was the only year we had store-bought costumes; we had recently moved across the country. My brother was Superman.)

2) Jockey. This was basically a shiny polyester track suit (it was the 70s) tucked into my riding boots; the outfit was topped off by my riding helmet.

3) One half of a pair of dice.

4) Colonial girl. I don’t remember if I asked for it, or if my mother just really wanted to make this costume. Which would have been odd. But it has always been my favorite period of history. Also, the guy next door later wore part of it in a very strange class production of Cinderella.

5)Speaking of which, Cinderella. My mother got her cousin to help make this costume. It didn’t really look like Disney’s Cinderella, but it was very pretty.

6) Pirate.

7) Cyclist. (It was asserted that since I was already a triathlete, this didn’t count as a costume; I replied that since I hadn’t been on a bike since before Baguette was born–and that is still true–that it was, in fact, a costume for me.)

8) Sailor. (I was stumped–but it turns out that if you go to a thrift store in a military town, you may just find a variety of uniforms.)

9) The winner? Haunted house. That’s right, an entire house. My dad and I painted a box with cobwebbed doors, shutters hanging off the window frames, and ghosts peeking out of the windows. A corner of another box made the roof. It was epic.

10) The loser? Guinevere. I wore what was essentially a teal velvet dressing gown with a ribbon as a sash. And I looked like someone in a dressing gown with a ribbon tied loosely around her.

So what are your memorable Halloween costumes?

I’m Glad I Don’t Live in Gotham City

This morning I went to Target and Whole Foods (what demographic does that represent, I have to wonder?). At the latter, I found the gourmet chocolate display, which included several Vosges Haute Chocolat bars. Which did I pick? Why, Mo’s Bacon Bar, of course, described as “applewood smoked bacon, Alder wood smoked salt, deep milk chocolate.” I decided that it had to be either delectable or disgusting. It wound up being just okay–not gross (well, maybe a little gross) and kind of weird tasting, but definitely chocolate-y. However, that was not the defining activity of the day: next, we went to the movies.

The Dark Knight lives up to the hype. It’s dark and tense, and Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker is simply amazing. What a loss that was.

At least this Gotham looked like a place that would actually have residents; in Batman Begins, I couldn’t understand why anyone at all would live in that ruined city. Even Katie Holmes’s wretched Rachel Dawes couldn’t plausibly have been that much of an idealist. Speaking of Rachel Dawes, neither J nor I cared at all about the character, even after Maggie Gyllenhaal took over the role. Rachel just isn’t a compelling character. Although as I said to J, “Are any of Batman’s girlfriends all that compelling? Did you care about Vicky Vale?” And it turns out the answer is no–Batman movies lack compelling female characters.

On the other hand, I didn’t want to see this movie for Rachel Dawes. I went to see it for Heath Ledger, Christian Bale, and a slew of Batgadgets. And they did not disappoint.

This movie was really nerve-wracking. Based on how they develop Harvey Dent’s storyline, I’m not sure I’ll be able to watch a third movie in this series.

So I guess that you could sum up my review thusly. The Dark Knight: Better than chocolate with bacon.