Things I Said While Watching TV Tonight

Watching Matthew McConnaughey in a Lincoln ad:
Mr. Sandwich: Let’s see what Matthew McConnaughey is going to tell us about Lincolns today.
Me: There is something really unnerving about his teeth.

Watching Speechless:
Me: I identify with Jimmy and Dylan. Because I feel like it’s my job to stay calm and also I’m fighty. There’s a lot of conflict between these two parts of me.

Watching something that appears to be an action movie due to urgent driving:
Me: What is this? Is it Live Free and Die Harder in a Really Stupid Way?
Mr. Sandwich: It’s Batman v. Superman.
Me: Same thing.

Still watching Batman v. Superman:
Holly Hunter: The world has been so busy thinking about what Superman can do that we haven’t stopped to ask what he should do.
Me: Oh, I get it. Superman is Jurassic Park.

Still watching Batman v. Superman, even though we meant to go to bed 30 minutes ago:
Perry White: Headline: End of Love Affair with Man in Sky?
Me: Perry, that’s a terrible headline.

But, really, the amazing thing is that we got to watch TV. Do you know how rare it is for Baguette to sleep?

Monday Listicles: 10 Halloween Costumes I Have Known

These days, I have trouble coming up with Halloween costumes. But that wasn’t always the case. Of course, back then I also had a moving box full of “dress-up clothes” that offered inspiration (and parents who were able to fill in my gaps in both inspiration and execution). So what have my Halloween successes been?

1) Batman. Let me say that again: Batman. We went to any number of houses where the person giving out candy would spot my long, red hair and say “Oh, Batgirl!” And I responded, every single time, “I’m not Batgirl. I’m Batman!” (This was the only year we had store-bought costumes; we had recently moved across the country. My brother was Superman.)

2) Jockey. This was basically a shiny polyester track suit (it was the 70s) tucked into my riding boots; the outfit was topped off by my riding helmet.

3) One half of a pair of dice.

4) Colonial girl. I don’t remember if I asked for it, or if my mother just really wanted to make this costume. Which would have been odd. But it has always been my favorite period of history. Also, the guy next door later wore part of it in a very strange class production of Cinderella.

5)Speaking of which, Cinderella. My mother got her cousin to help make this costume. It didn’t really look like Disney’s Cinderella, but it was very pretty.

6) Pirate.

7) Cyclist. (It was asserted that since I was already a triathlete, this didn’t count as a costume; I replied that since I hadn’t been on a bike since before Baguette was born–and that is still true–that it was, in fact, a costume for me.)

8) Sailor. (I was stumped–but it turns out that if you go to a thrift store in a military town, you may just find a variety of uniforms.)

9) The winner? Haunted house. That’s right, an entire house. My dad and I painted a box with cobwebbed doors, shutters hanging off the window frames, and ghosts peeking out of the windows. A corner of another box made the roof. It was epic.

10) The loser? Guinevere. I wore what was essentially a teal velvet dressing gown with a ribbon as a sash. And I looked like someone in a dressing gown with a ribbon tied loosely around her.

So what are your memorable Halloween costumes?