Why Does Susan Sarandon Always Seem Drunk?

I think this is a question worth asking. Because I saw her on The Daily Show, and in addition to her ridiculous delusions of political importance, (You know how you can tell you aren’t being silenced by the government? When you can go on TV and talk about how you’re afraid of being silenced by the government. But I digress.) she seemed a little disoriented and slurry. Right now, on the Golden Globes, she gave the same impression. Mind you, for all I know she doesn’t drink at all. But her behavior is noticeable.

I’m watching the red carpet shows, and in general the clothes seem pretty good. I just saw Amy Adams (who I saw yesterday morning in real life, and let me tell you, just walking by, she’s enchanting), and I love her leaf earrings. And while normally I’m tired of black evening gowns, hers looked gorgeous.

Anna Paquin is talking to Ryan Seacrest. She doesn’t seem to have become more articulate since her Oscar speech for The Piano.

Christina Applegate is lovely in yellow. Elizabeth Banks is wearing a very pretty dress in a shade that is much too close to the color of her skin.

Apparently Lorraine Schwartz designs all of the jewelry in the world.

I keep switching between the two red carpet shows, trying to figure out which duo is worse: Lisa Rinna and Joey Fatone, or Giuliana Rancic and Ryan Seacrest. It’s a close call, but I may have bad news for Lisa and Joey.

You know what I hate? The way they keep outlining the actresses with that on-screen pen they use to diagram football plays. There’s something really creepy about tracing bodies with that pen. And a bit misogynist, since I haven’t seen them trace any of the men yet.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is very politely telling Ryan Seacrest to stop asking about Heath Ledger. Good for her.

Drew Barrymore’s hair is enormous. It seems to have escaped form the mid-1980s. Jessica Lange seems very nervous.

Commercial break.