The “Mommy Wars” Are Ridiculous. Don’t Be Ridiculous.

Tragic Sandwich

My last post focused on this week’s Time Magazine cover and its divisive headline “Are You Mom Enough?”

I kept reading, and I found a blog post by Jamie Lynne Grumet, the woman on the cover. And I like her, because while she’s made different choices than I have–and in at least one area, had different opportunities–it looks like we have common ground.

In “10 Things Breastfeeding Advocates Need to Stop Saying,” she highlights common statements and refutes them. She’s tolerant. She has a big picture. She’s making room for differences.

She talks about the difference between “best” and “natural.” She talks about wet nursing. She talks about not assuming everyone has the same options available to them. And I’d like to quote one of the points she makes (the “statement” is in bold; her reply is not, although it is much bolder):

I just think formula feeding moms are lazy. — And I just think you’re an asshole.

So let’s keep the criticism where it belongs: on the editors of Time, and on everyone else who thinks that there are benefits to dividing people. And let’s not give them the power to make that happen.

15 thoughts on “The “Mommy Wars” Are Ridiculous. Don’t Be Ridiculous.”

  1. Yes! I’m so sick of all the sniping and judging and assholery. It makes me curse even more than usual. But I’ll try not to dirty up your comments column with it too much 😉

    1. Oh, say things as you feel comfortable saying them. I feel a post coming on that will definitely include language my father would not approve of.

      1. All the judginess just makes me so MAD. If we were all supportive of one another, the world would be a better place, we’d be better moms, and our kids would be happier. Do some moms make decisions that I think are not so great? Yeah. Does that give me the right to not only tell them that, but get down on them for it? No it does not. If I expect other people to respect my choices and my autonomy, then I have to respect theirs. So to TIME magazine, I say a big old fuck you for purposely and cynically stirring up bad feeling for the sake of selling copies of your rag. To the moms who are screaming about how bad other moms are for breastfeeding too long/not long enough/not at all, I also say fuck you. Mind your own business, and remember: we ALL love our babies and are doing the best that we fucking well can for them, and if that involves staying home/working out of the home/breastfeeding forever/circumcising/not circumcising or WHATEVER, then we have the right to do that without being harassed for it. Grrrrrrrrr.

        Okay, I think I’m done for now.

      2. People rarely give me advice. This is not just true about parenting.

        But on the occasions that I have these discussions, I just bring up the fact that whatever we’re talking about is unlikely to result in a serial killer, because if it did, there would be a lot more serial killers.

        Set the bar low, I say.

  2. It’s precisely this divisiveness that’s kept a feminist political movement from truly succeeding. If women keep waging war against women, how will we ever be able to draw together to achieve measures that would be truly beneficial for us all?
    Thanks for a smart, much-needed post.

    1. Thank you! I think we always–and by “we” I mean people as a whole, not just women–make more progress by talking to each other and understanding each other than we do by fighting.

  3. I refuse to read that article. I also think that the “wars” is more overblown by media and the need to generate page views/subscribers. In real life, discussion about parenting seems much more civil.

    1. I hear the contents are less problematic than the headline–but I’m refraining from commenting on them, because I haven’t read them either.

    1. There are lots of people who want to take intransigent, noisy stances. It’s easy to mistake them for the whole, just because they’re noisy.

  5. People are stupid. (They were probably breast-fed and yet they are still stupid, so there goes that argument.) I breastfed my kids, but it was a constant struggle to produce enough milk. My firstborn was losing weight at 6 months and the doctor said I needed to supplement with formula. One of my sisters produced enough milk to feed a village, yet my other sister was never able to produce a single ounce. Yet all of our kids are healthy, smart, socially adjusted, and unconditionally loved. Why has a source of nutrition become a war zone? That magazine issue was inflammatory and unnecessary.

  6. Here, Here!! From someone who had a C-section, breastfed ’til 22 months AND formula fed….I am still finding myself in a “you can go suck it” place, in real life and online….Oh and the “baby” is almost ten.

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